Telling Myself to Myself: Three Micro-Chapters

September 28, 2011 § Leave a comment

Chapter 1

I worked at a public library as a page for several years as a graduate student & then as I was finishing up postgraduate studies, and still look very fondly back on those days. I even considered getting a MLS degree, or whatever it is called these days, but decided I simply could not afford another degree whose aim was a profession on its last legs. One of my more noteworthy experiences while working there was when I interrupted, well, that’s not quite right, because he only very vaguely took notice of me, a man masturbating. That was noteworthy enough, I suppose, as much as it ever is, but all the more so by the fact that he’d chosen as his inspirational material a rather old–so old, I now can only surmise he had to have requested it from the stacks–guide to the solar system–ours, presumably.

Chapter 2

When I last drove across the country, from Ohio to the San Francisco Bay Area, I recall noting and feeling a strange poignancy, though it was all really on the level of suspicion more than anything else, concerning the relationship of geography and cultural personality. The A-cup plains, the ruinous vibrancy of the desert, mountainous eruptions, end-of-the-earth cliffs, these all speak as much of, if not fully or adequately define, landscapes as they do people, I thought. Of course, the relationship between the two may not be decisive, but which real & true relationship ever is?

Chapter 3

There is no such illusion on my part. I have no doubt a good many agree with my sentiments. The thing is, I find no camaraderie in their agreement. If anything, I end up feeling more isolated as a result of the agreement.

* * *

* Internet comments, these, from three different sites I’ve over the years, months, & days come to frequent. It is almost assuredly self-indulgent to re-post comments on one’s blog. A breach of blogging etiquette maybe. But as I looked at them on the page together, no longer merely off doing their own things elsewhere, I realized they were in fact (also) micro-chapters to an autobiography I will never write.

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