25 Random Things

September 24, 2012 § 5 Comments

Quite by accident tonight I found the following list deep within a drawer of my desk. It was entitled “25 Random Things.” I do not remember writing it, though they each describe me, so I can but assume I did. I have some new readers in recent weeks, which I justify as cause to post it here now.
* * *

1) I’ve never been in a proper fistfight, and have only ever seen two in my whole life. I consider both to be a moral deficiency on my part.

2) My favorite Tom Waits songs are the ones he sounds most like Cookie Monster.

3) I was not invited to do one of these lists. I am not passing it on to others. Both of these, too, should be considered marks of moral deficiency on my part.

4) I’m sad that kids no longer get to spend the night in the hospital when they get their tonsils removed. It was one of the highlights of my childhood.

5) I much more freely spend money on fleeting social situations — dinners, drinks, trips, etc. — than I do reusable objects like technology, books, music, clothes, etc.

6) I’ve never developed a taste for coffee, and really have no desire to do so. But in Scotland I very nearly started smoking.

7) I would never pay $3.8 million to have sex with a virgin.

8) My mother, after a frustrating afternoon of dealing with an adolescent version of me, tricked me into thinking she was dropping me off at the local orphanage. Years later, I realized it was the electric company.

9) The bartenders at Whiskey Thieves on Geary Avenue have a very accommodating definition of what constitutes a double.

10) A friend IM’d me a moment of ago, out of the blue, with no additional commentary, saying “I think you’re the least hopeful person I know.”

11) I could, and have, listened to Charles Mingus all day.

12) I could, I think, if push came to shove, or if I simply developed some will power, cut out 80% of my meat consumption.

13) I love the beach, but think that I’d more likely be a literal beach bum before I was a surfer.

14) I drink too much soda.

15) I hate it when American bartenders incorrectly correct my pronunciation of Belgian and German beers.

16) I suspect at some point in my life I’ll be living in Belgium again.

17) I’m still kind of scared of elevators, and will avoid them when I deem it practical.

18) I think college sports are painfully dull.

19) I literally did not understand the marriage vows I affirmed at my wedding. They were all in Dutch.

20) I still don’t speak Dutch very well.

21) Most of the good things in my life I resisted at first (e.g., my wife, my dog, Brussels, Zen).

22) If I were a zoo animal I’d be a koala bear who images himself a polar bear.

23) As good as a “pizza soup” might sound, as much as you might be tempted, avoid it at all cost!

24) I hate how it seems everything electronic these days — and nearly everything these days is electronic — beep louder and longer.

25) I love washing dishes.

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